I remember when I loved blogging.  When everyday occurrences, annoyances, humorous happenings were all fodder… I loved to tell my story and, if someone else loved it too, all the better.

What the hell happened?

I’ve tried to recommit.  I’ve started a new blog… I’ve thought and even attempted new projects like 365 Days of Grace... I’ve thought about NaBloPoMo… and I’ve gone um, exactly nowhere.

Perhaps I’ve given it all too much thought.  Worried about the number of readers, comments, incentives… and through that worry, that concern, I lost what drew me to this forum in the first place:  the rare chance to connect.

There was also a time, a glorious time, when few of my IRL people new about my blog and I felt more free to be honest and vent… to sometimes snark… and then, as the roster of carpool and coffee and cocktail chums grew, the more I began to feel caged… after all, the me of my blog wasn’t always the me of my daily life.  My blog me was a sometimes more and a sometimes less honest portrayal of myself.

And of course, the children.  Eva may only be six, but the boys grew up.  They’re young men now and they don’t want to see their private (except for their own personal Facebook status) anything on the Internet… oh, and the drivel it is.  You don’t know blog fodder until you spend a morning culling through your children’s various texts and IMs… priceless.

I’ve realized something about myself through these years of (oft sporadic) blogging:  I am not very good at real life conversation and I live too much in my head.  In real life I am awkward and self conscious.  I think I am being clever or witty and what I am actually being is weird.  I ramble and I never seem to actually get my point across quite as well as I do here in this happy corner of the Internet.

And that is what I need to remember.

Blogging isn’t about, or shouldn’t be about, review offers or Alexa standings or awards.  It should be another medium to be heard.

Which means, despite the many and fitful starts and stops, I am finally back… weird rambling and all.

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February 10, 2010. Tags: . Uncategorized.

26 Comments

  1. Jenn replied:

    Well…talk about connect. I could have written this blogpost. Well, all except the “I’m back” part. *sigh* But I have been thinking about it lately. I think if it wasn’t for Facebook, I would have started again. It’s not the same, but it lets the little bit of that need to share out. =\

    • kkfast replied:

      You are so right… FB makes it very easy to not blog. But, Oh FB, can’t quit you!

  2. jennie replied:

    weird ramblings is where its at.

  3. Jen replied:

    It’s your blog. Post or don’t. Ramble or not. It’s your space to say what you want. Don’t worry about us, we’ll be here waiting patiently. 🙂

    • kkfast replied:

      i’d like to have your discipline to blog daily… it’s impressive.

  4. Amy Y replied:

    Welcome back 🙂

  5. Tatiana Ferguson replied:

    Dear Kristin, I had an entire week of sleepless nights early last month, and it threw me for such a crazy loop that I literally and figuratively lost my voice! I don’t have it back yet, but suspect (my in-pass) may be exactly what you just wrote about, my friend! You “knew” you were effective, funny and had your hand on the pulse! But now trying to get back into the groove (I know Madonna)You ARE over thinking it. The fact is, you need to stop putting a “face” to us. You know! My republican friend (BTW, I’m the only one 😉 the coffee chum, carpool pal and kids blah, blah! Write for yourself! And the “whole” yes?! The faceless, nameless people that tune in just to hear your tone, concerns or interesting observations! You have a wonderful way of communicating clever thoughts (sure, call it weird) what is wrong with that?! That makes you different and interesting! That shows us it’s you. Good luck to you friend, I (always) enjoy the read!

  6. Red Dirt Mummy replied:

    Well I like your weird rambling. It reminds me of someone I know… no wait, it reminds me of me. I’m glad you’re back.

  7. kkfast replied:

    this is the part of blogging that is the best… chatter in the comments and positive feedback.. i ♥ you.

  8. Daniella replied:

    So glad to see this post. Kristen, your blog was one of the first I found when my adoption journey began. I have loved reading your posts and I too “live in my head… And am weird :). You though my friend have some serious writing talent and I am glad you are back. I just unprivatized my blog for the sake if a journal….still struggling with it tho

  9. Jason replied:

    Well, welcome back to the blog world. I was wondering what had ever become of you. I’m glad you commented on The Jason Show today so I could find you again. In an effort to revamp my blog I lost a ton of bookmarked blogs.

    I feel much the same as you about blogging.

  10. cherry dickinson replied:

    “I’m not very good at real life conversation”…..huh????? KKFAST, I know you make a bunch of junk up, but that quote’s gotta go (so not true)!

    • kkfast replied:

      ha. well, i’m fine with you and people i know well… it’s the “new” and “cold” conversations that basically leave me standing around like i don’t know the language and am not sure of my own name.

  11. Kari replied:

    Don’t think I’ve ever commented here before (my bad, I am such a lurker) but I love your writing. I tried to blog myself but it never went anywhere – I set my sights too high and aimed to be like JenontheEdge and you! So glad you’re back!

  12. dgm replied:

    Well honey, I only met you that one timewith Bossy, but I found you perfectly charming and social and fun! And to think how much more so had we kept the margaritas flowing til the sun came up again!

    I, too, somehow lost that lovin’ feelin’ for blogging. One day I was there and the next–GONE! I keep telling myself I’ll go back, but I haven’t had the blogging jones. I blame FB in part, mostly because it gives me what I wanted from blogging all along: the opportunity to keep up to date with friends I already knew. That I met new people along the way thru blogging was just icing.

    Anyhooo, welcome back!

  13. Los replied:

    I don’t have much of a theme to my blog … I mean, I write about music, the 1980’s, weird news story … and really anything else that has my interest … maybe the lack of focus (combined with the average use of the language) is why my blog isn’t followed by many. Of course, that’s never been my goal. I just write as a release.

  14. jenn gibbs replied:

    Please don’t interpret an inability to communicate with kindergarten mommies and their ilk as a defect on your part…just because you have nothing to say does not mean you are awkward and without skills…it merely means that these tragically uninteresting ladies do not merit effort. As we’ve discussed, we’re too old to take on any new friends, and frankly, acquaintances are best kept at arm’s length. xoxo

  15. Issa replied:

    It’s weird and different and so much bigger than it was when we started…however there is still a great community here. Promise.

    ps? I love it when you get all rambly. So there.

  16. gorillabuns replied:

    you change, evolve, devolve and do your own thing.

    at least this is what i tell myself when nothing i pound out makes sense.

  17. melissa replied:

    man, i SO know what you mean… i’m trying to decide if i’m going to move blog locations or not… ugh.

  18. Carol replied:

    Thank God for the weird ramblings. I get bored with organized thought processes. And good grammar and spelling. Glory be to randomness and imperfections.

  19. dianabamford replied:

    Looking forward to it 🙂

  20. Kristie replied:

    Glad to see you’re back again… well as of Feb 10th you were back… I’ll just check FB to stay plugged in.

    btw. I miss your smart ass comments and witty sarcasm

  21. amanda replied:

    Can you start a secret blog to share the IMs and such with those of us not-yet-there?

  22. Mocha replied:

    I would just kinda follow you anywhere. Ya know?

  23. Melissa replied:

    I could have written this post… well, except the teen boys part… (i do, however, have a teen girl foster kiddo… and let me tell you, that’s stressful some days, i digress).

    Here’s to us both getting our blogging mojo back. 🙂

    Melissa

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